This is my New Year’s Post

New Year's Eve [www.whatkumquat.com]

Because I am a dutiful blogger who every now and then experiences content fomo, I sat down with the intention of writing some kind of post to acknowledge the new year. All the cool kids are doing it. Also, spoiler to anyone who has been asleep for 48 hours/recently awoke from a coma/just got back from an internet-less trip spent meditating with Tibetan monks, it’s 2017! I’m glad your priority is to check WhatKumquat before anything else! Please go call your mother.

So I put on pants, chugged a coffee -which was wholly unnecessary, but I thought it would be dramatic-, and opened WordPress. I’ve been staring blankly at the post page for about an hour, and can’t think of a decent angle here.

Do I make a quirky post about my New Year’s resolutions? They could include #relatable things like trying out an elliptical, making a conscious effort to eat more leaves rabbit food salads, and investing in a good bra that maybe covers one of my nipples and isn’t $10 from the clearance section at Target.

Do I attempt a year-in-review recap? Better not. My biggest accomplishment (besides graduating university lol) was learning how to make a green juice that doesn’t taste like grass and pretentious hipster. And green does not go with my Instagram theme.

Perhaps a positive “2017 is going to be MY! YEAR!” pledge? Cute, but I’m Greek (read: incredibly superstitious) and don’t want to jinx myself. I find it’s better to set expectations low so I’m constantly surprised. Wouldn’t that be a great self-help book title though? “The Secret to Success: Set Low Expectations and Hope for the Best”. Coming soon to a Barnes & Noble near you!

I could do a post bemoaning the Colossal Debacle Of International Proportions that was 2016! I almost went this route because I had an extremely catchy title (“my 2016 hangover & how to get over it”). However, once I started compiling a list of all the people who died, the US election and the Brexit situation, the record-breaking climate change-related temps, and the various political and humanitarian disasters worldwide, I got super depressed and ate an entire box of chocolate sea salt truffles. And now I’m bloated and out of chocolate.

So here we are. This is my New Year’s post, featuring a bit of every potential New Year’s post I could think of! A bit pointless, a lot snarky, but hey. That’s pretty much the philosophy here on WhatKumquat.

Happy 2017! May your year be filled with turtlenecks and pizza.

Unless you’re lactose intolerant.

20 Comments

  1. Haha this made me laugh. I love your sense of humor! Wishing you an amazing 2017!

  2. hannahcstark

    omg your sense of humor is soooo funny! I laughed so hard (on a plane *embarrassing) at your first paragraph and loved reading the rest! Hope you have a fantastic new year:)

    xoxo, Hannah

  3. Haha- definitely a unique take on 2017! 😉 Happy New Year to you girl!!

    xoxo A
    http://www.southernbelleintraining.com

  4. I love this post!!! You are the best. I hope you have a great 2017

    with love, Danielle

  5. Happy new year to you girl! This post definitely made me laugh.

    xx, Jamie

  6. Oh my gosh, love this! I have a few #basic 2017 posts this week and I feel like my whole Bloglovin’ feed is 2016 recaps or resolutions for this year! Happy New Year!

    xoxo,
    Katie
    chicincarolina.blogspot.com

  7. This post is hilarious. 10/10, way to go!!! Also sorry your out of chocolate but v thankful that I’m not lactose intolerant and can eat as much pizza as I want in 2017 because salad is for the birds (literally)

    Tori

  8. You’re too funny girl! I’m so type A that setting resolutions has always been a thing but I wish I was a little more go with the flow haha.

  9. I freakin love this post I giggled quite a few times. Thanks for publishing it, I’ll send ya some chocolate xo

  10. I could use a few new turtlenecks in 2017. Happy New Year.

    xoxo,
    Emma
    http://petitemaisonoffashion.blogspot.com/

  11. Happy New Year! I loved the style of your New Years post in comparison to the usual!

  12. Rachel Ritlop

    Lol I love the snarkiness. It’s beyond refreshing. happy new year!

    Rachel | The Confused Millennial

  13. Hilarious! Such a nice break in comparison to all of this “these are my resolutions, this is what I’m doing in 2017!” Love this post!

  14. Haha this made me laugh I love this post! looking forward to all your posts.

  15. Wow nice:-)
    Regards.
    Walkindiscount.com

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