Because I am a dutiful blogger who every now and then experiences content fomo, I sat down with the intention of writing some kind of post to acknowledge the new year. All the cool kids are doing it. Also, spoiler to anyone who has been asleep for 48 hours/recently awoke from a coma/just got back from an internet-less trip spent meditating with Tibetan monks, it’s 2017! I’m glad your priority is to check WhatKumquat before anything else! Please go call your mother.
So I put on pants, chugged a coffee -which was wholly unnecessary, but I thought it would be dramatic-, and opened WordPress. I’ve been staring blankly at the post page for about an hour, and can’t think of a decent angle here.
Do I make a quirky post about my New Year’s resolutions? They could include #relatable things like trying out an elliptical, making a conscious effort to eat more
leaves rabbit food salads, and investing in a good bra that maybe covers one of my nipples and isn’t $10 from the clearance section at Target.
Do I attempt a year-in-review recap? Better not. My biggest accomplishment (besides graduating university lol) was learning how to make a green juice that doesn’t taste like grass and pretentious hipster. And green does not go with my Instagram theme.
Perhaps a positive “2017 is going to be MY! YEAR!” pledge? Cute, but I’m Greek (read: incredibly superstitious) and don’t want to jinx myself. I find it’s better to set expectations low so I’m constantly surprised. Wouldn’t that be a great self-help book title though? “The Secret to Success: Set Low Expectations and Hope for the Best”. Coming soon to a Barnes & Noble near you!
I could do a post bemoaning the Colossal Debacle Of International Proportions that was 2016! I almost went this route because I had an extremely catchy title (“my 2016 hangover & how to get over it”). However, once I started compiling a list of all the people who died, the US election and the Brexit situation, the record-breaking climate change-related temps, and the various political and humanitarian disasters worldwide, I got super depressed and ate an entire box of chocolate sea salt truffles. And now I’m bloated and out of chocolate.
So here we are. This is my New Year’s post, featuring a bit of every potential New Year’s post I could think of! A bit pointless, a lot snarky, but hey. That’s pretty much the philosophy here on WhatKumquat.
Happy 2017! May your year be filled with turtlenecks and pizza.
Unless you’re lactose intolerant.