As an Instagram celeb you ALREADY know the three cardinal rules of social media. One; to stray from your theme is to essentially commit a felony. Two; when in doubt, take a pic of shoes (they don’t necessarily have to be yours). And three; if you don’t Instagram your breakfast every Sat-Sun amongst artfully arranged bedsheets literally what are you doing with your life you waste of precious internet spac–
Anyway, here on WhatKumquat we’re dedicated to the service of others so I’ve come up with some helpful tips & tricks to get YOUR Instagram breakfast looking as flawless as the extensions you claim are real! You may notice that there’s no cutlery in these pictures. That’s because food is made for photographing, not eating. Obviously!
First up is the coffee. We know you drink your coffee black like your soul, but a good tip is to include some cream and sugar –brown, obviously, you don’t want to your followers to think you support the evil that is the refined sugar industry- on the side because they come in cute containers that you can probably find to match your theme.
In dire circumstances, a shot of you pouring the cream into the coffee can be a crowd pleaser due to the aesthetically appealing pattern it creates. Clearly you’ll have to trash the coffee after shooting because God forbid you ingest a calorie, but no one needs to know that.
Now to tackle the worst part of the Instagram breakfast: the food. You’re a gluten-free, sugar-free vegetarian who doesn’t really eat solid foods so I totally understand the struggle here. But your Instagram followers don’t have to! Keep the mystery alive, and add some granola. It’ll really make you seem more relatable. Bitches love granola.
Notice how I’ve added a light honey drizzle, which seems candid but in reality took three bowls of yoghurt to perfect. Little elements like this are key in showing everyone how much better you are than them, because lets be real only Ina Garten does things like add an arty honey drizzle to her yoghurt. And everyone wants to be Ina Garten.
Finally, you absolutely need to add some fruit to your photo. #Health and #fitspo are big trends right now so hop on the bandwagon! It’ll help your case when you pretend to eat an ice cream two Instas later, because life is all about **balance**.
Bonus: if you can get your hands on the Financial Times to artfully display in the corner, that would be great. Vogue works too, just make sure the cover goes with your theme.