A Comprehensive Guide to the First GOP Debate

In case you missed the 1000003 Snapchat Stories featuring various GOP drinking games and snapshots of Donald Trump’s hair, the first GOP debate happened yesterday, and it was better than the Kardashians. Someone should make a reality show called “Keeping Up With The Republicans”. Donald Trump can produce. 😉

I didn’t watch the happy hour one, but I did sit through all two hours of the second one, so I feel entitled to offer a bit of commentary and summary on the more notable events of last night. The ten candidates who polled the highest gathered to discuss Rosie O’Donnell, hugging Obama, immigration, and… God (?).

A brief summary:

Donald Trump: “Everyone in America is stupid and I’m very, very rich.”

Jeb Bush: “I will veto EVERYTHING”

Rand Paul: “I’m a different kind of Republican. I’m an elf.”

Chris Christie: “Yeah I hugged Obama, so what?”

Ben Carson: “I EXIST”

Ted Cruz: “Did you know I’m conservative?”

Mike Huckabee: “Pimp tax.”

Marco Rubio: “I’m going to distract you all from #waterbottlegate by my strangely soothing voice and orange spray tan.”

John Kasich: “My dad was a mailman, look how down to earth I am!”

Scott Walker: “I’m just happy to be here.”

The night started off with Trump, whose campaign I am still convinced is one massive Punk’d episode, refusing to pledge support to the Republican party in the event that he loses the nomination. He also made some misogynistic comments, duck-face-squinted a lot, and announced that he basically blackmailed Hilary Clinton into attending his wedding. This guy is a walking SNL skit.

Other notable moments include an explosive exchange between Christie and Paul that began as a debate over surveillance but somehow turned into a screaming match about hugging Obama (“YOU HUGGED OBAMA”- Paul “I HUG A LOT OF PEOPLE”- Christie). Megyn Kelly decided that there’s no time like a presidential debate to talk about God, because that has heaps to do with politics. John Kasich pulled the “I’m not homophobic! I know gay people! I go to gay weddings!” card. And Scott Walker determined that “aggressively normal” was the campaign slogan he should go with.

All in all, quite the entertaining night.

2 Comments

  1. Haha, I love your mini summary. Politics are quite boring to me, but I’ve been trying to get into them more. Little posts like this that have politics in funny little bites are the best! Love.

    xo Paige
    http://eyelinerwingsandprettythings.com

    • Thank ya! It’s not exactly the most riveting topic for me either… but the good news about the current election is that its incredibly entertaining (because: Donald Trump). Glad you liked it x

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