Annoying Green Smoothie Recipe

green-smoothie-recipe-whatkumquatIt happened.

I did it.

I tried healthy and it wasn’t terrible.

A while ago, (I’m posting this from France where I have no blender, no artsy green straws, and thankfully no kale) I was seized by a guilt and a bit of a panic resulting from my steady diet of pizza and peanut butter. Since I have many goals for my future, none of which include diabetes, I decided to do the most drastic thing I could and hopped on the trend that everyone who’s anyone claims to be in loooove with: juicing.


Normally, I have absolutely zero patience for people who pretend to like these things because chances are they’re also the kind of people who legitimately enjoy hot yoga, only drink Fiji water and vodka tonics, and haven’t touched solid food in months. Exactly what sounds appealing about liquid vegetables? Nothing, that’s what.

The good thing about green smoothies (or any vegetable juice, for that matter) is that you balance the vegetables out with sweetness from fruits. That way, you’re drinking something containing probably your entire nutrient requirements for the week but it tastes like bananas or apples instead of like leaves, which is what the majority of the drink is.

Stay the hell away from kale, though. Nothing good ever came from something that heavily advocated by Gwyneth Paltrow.


  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1 cup green grapes
  • 1 banana, peeled
  • 2 cups fresh spinach
  • 1/2 cup ice cubes

Basically, just throw everything into a blender in that order, then blend until you can’t see individual parts of spinach anymore. If you can’t see it, you can pretend it isn’t there.



  1. Ha I love this. I feel like its really hit or miss with green juice for me. But hot yoga is always terrible.

    • This one’s good I swear! Plus drinking one of these justifies whatever unhealthy food choices you will make later in the day (at least that’s what I’m telling myself)

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